Defeated...Utterly Spent

im worn out...
had about 4 hours of sleep only...
i spent about 1 hour 30 minutes making a video...
after i watched it once...
i deleted it...
somebody blow my brains out...
dead...i mean dead tired...
school today was not a special highlight of the day anyway....
nicole was quaratined...
possibly H1N1...hope not
anyways...
school is school...
good start to the day...
had a weird shift in my mood...
i dont know...
im very annoying when it comes to people taking care of themselves...
i guess i want my friends to live their lives to the fullest...
i dont want them to be weakened because they did not take care of themselves...
...i try being nice...
i try my hardest...
whether it works out is another matter...
the important thing is that i try...
if it fails, at least i know i tried...
i dont know...
i feel very concerned for some of my friends in school...
they have a very low self-esteem...
low self-confidence...
i try to get them to believe in themselves...
and i get shit thrown back in my face...
but...
i guess i've gotten used to this coming from my friends...
one person...
she never makes me give up...
everytime i feel like giving up, she'll come to mind...
this year she has been so damn quiet...
she's going through a tough time...
not work...but some other problems...
i know she wouldn't admit it...
but i can see it in her eyes...
the fire that was once in her eyes...
burnt itself out...


just finished the book i bought yesterday...
TRIPTYCH by Karin Slaughter...
very nice book...
books are my drug...
it takes me away from this merciless world...

anyway...
SHE's back in M'sia...
damn...am i happy?
but she's back during a very busy month...
August...
going to Cherating this weekend...
having family camp next week...
that would mean that i would not see her for 3 weeks...
i hope i have time to spend with her...
its been such a long time since we last sat down and talked face-to-face...
i was also thinking of maybe catching a movie with her...


another thing came to my mind...
there was one post i made...shooting for the stars...
i pains me to admit it...
but expressing ones feelings...is really hard...
i guess...people are afraid of how others may react...
i dont blame them...
sometimes...the responses that we get...it hurts...i'll give you that...


life is a challenge...
sometimes i just feel like i can't hold on...
i feel like slipping away...far, far away...
i feel like giving up...
just surrendering to the world...
but i know i wouldnt do it...
there is so much to live for...
your friends...
the one you love...
never give up on life...
there is so much to live for...




cheers guys...
LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST !!!